A Goodbye Letter To My Addiction

Goodbye, addiction…

 

Many of us would love to write a goodbye letter to our addictions. It’s a good exercise to voice how addiction made you feel and how you feel now that you are in recovery. And if you are still trying to find recovery, well then, it’s a great way to start that process. Lindsey Frazier‘s goodbye letter to her addiction is below. If you would like to share your goodbye letter to your addiction, you can send it to us at wfoley@ascent.org. To receive early access to the Ascent app, sign up here.

 

goodbye letter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To my Addiction,

 

I bid you farewell. No longer will I be your slave, no longer will I serve and worship you, no longer will I allow you to make me suffer. You have overstayed your welcome and it’s time for you to pack your bags and leave. At first, I thought we were friends, I thought that we could go and have fun nights out drinking with friends, but I was so wrong.

 

You presented yourself as this glorious friend, one I had searched my whole life for. It was love at first sight, honestly. There was something about you, you were unlike any friend I had ever had; you made me feel great about myself, gave me courage to do things I never would have done without you and you allowed me to make so many other new friends. It was so great! For a little while.

 

It wasn’t long until you moved in for good, you made yourself as comfortable as you could get, never letting me leave your sight. Everywhere I went, you trailed behind me. I thought that I could handle you, but it turns out I couldn’t. It wasn’t long until you had me wrapped around your finger, doing everything for you. Going out and spending all of my money and time on alcohol, just so we could have fun. Then I became dependent on you..

 

needed you to make me feel emotions, I needed you to make me love myself, I needed you to help me make friends and most importantly I needed you to help me get over my depression and anxiety. I couldn’t live without you. You were my lifeline, my best friend.

 

As it turns out, I was wrong about you. You weren’t my friend, you didn’t care about me; all you wanted to do was get messed up and make bad decisions. I thought that it was fun for a while, until things got really bad between us. I couldn’t go a day without drinking, we had to have the alcohol to have fun. And it wasn’t just one drink anymore, we needed bottles every single day to find the motivation to get out of bed. If we weren’t drinking, we were wasting our time.

 

Going out used to be fun, before you came along and showed your ugly self to me and all of my friends. You made me ruin friendships, ruin my self-esteem and you made me make horrible decisions that I can barely live with. You made me hate myself and you made me try to take my own life. That’s when I realized that you were never a friend at all.

 

I couldn’t live with myself after what you made me do, who you made me hurt or how you made me feel. I had to get away from you but you just wouldn’t leave. So I had to try to kill myself, you weren’t helping me, you were sucking the life out of me. I managed to escape from you for 3 months, I was so happy! I found true friends and finally gained control over my anxiety and depression. But then you came back knocking on my door with your bags in hand. I couldn’t turn you away so I gave you another chance.

 

never should have allowed you back into my life. Not only did you destroy every friendship I had, you also made me sink lower than I had ever been. I was so ready to end it all again, I was on a slippery slope falling downward. But, somehow, I managed to kick you out.

 

It’s been 84 days since I’ve seen you, and I feel better than ever! I have turned my life around, made new friends, made amends with old friends and I’ve gotten on the path to becoming a productive member of society again. Every once in a while, you’ll show up at my doorstep with your bags just waiting for me to have a moment of weakness, but I know better than to allow you back in. I know what you want and it’s nothing that I have any interest in.

 

To my Addiction, I truly hate everything that you made me become, I hate how you made me feel and I hate what you made me do. But I am telling you goodbye, for good. This is my farewell letter to you. You can pack up your bags and move on somewhere else because I am done with you. I don’t wish you the best, and I surely won’t miss you.

–Lindsey

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